I’ve spent all morning fantasising about having at least one more arm. Now I’m sure this is a totally unoriginal observation but I’ve just realised that everything required to run a baby requires an extra limb. And it’s going to piss me off until the day I can afford paid help. Which is never, in case you’re wondering. I don’t even play the lottery very often. And whenever I do I always think I’m actually going to win. And then I end up very, very disappointed when I don’t. But I digress.
The thing with me is that I like to multitask. I use my laptop in front of the telly. I text whilst driving. I read when I’m on the loo. So you might appreciate the fact that I don’t want to stop every-frigging-thing just to hold a bottle in front of my baby. That’s a half hour before you even start the winding and wiping. Multiply that by the other 45 feeds and you’ve got an awful lot of dead day.
And to make matters worse, all of these baby contraptions – the buggy, the car seat, the carrier – all seem to require you to operate them with three arms or two people. I’m there this morning trying to put my baby into the car seat but I have to move the handle bar out of the way or I risk bashing her head or dropping her. To move the handle requires me to press two buttons at once, but I’m already holding a child. Please, can someone tell me, where in the name of fuck am I supposed to put my baby while I do this? Should I stick her under my arm or throw her up on the bloody car roof next to my cappuccino or what?? I did that to a mobile phone once and I ended up driving over it…
